I want to give my girlfriend a nude sketch of myself as a gag-gift and need a sketch artist who doesn't mind working with a nude model.
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Matt noticed something: Your girlfriend might very well gag as most of us might... oh you meant gag as in a prank as in something funny.. not like puke, barf, throw up.. Strange that keeps happening with your post..
Seems like a lot of time,( hopefully) a decent amount of money (for the person who has to sit there and draw you) to give your girlfriend something I'm guessing (see not assuming because you know why) she has seen before once, twice or a million times in real life. So maybe you get a laugh, an eyeroll or possibly risk making her think about this funny and/or disgusting portrait every single time she actually sees you in the barf...err buff -- risky!
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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
New Years Plans (No peeing in a bottle in Times Square in the cold this year huh)
2011 is slowly inching closer, and I have NO plans for New Years Eve. Pitiful, I know. But I would love to go out and party it up, or stay in and have a small gathering....just as long as I am quie tipsy then I am fine. Im a SBF with no kids, my small circle of friends will all be out of town for New Years. So here I am, hoping someone has some cool New Years plans I can join. Take a chance.....make a friend!! :-)
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Hi SBF: New Years Eve can be very tough but don't admit to being pitiful on the internet - nobody wants to be friends with those that are self-admittingly pitiful. So is this a date or a friend or both because the whole no kids comment confused me or am I reading into things too much? Happy 2011 and I hope you get to be quite tipsy amongst your new friend or friends! Bottoms up
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Hi SBF: New Years Eve can be very tough but don't admit to being pitiful on the internet - nobody wants to be friends with those that are self-admittingly pitiful. So is this a date or a friend or both because the whole no kids comment confused me or am I reading into things too much? Happy 2011 and I hope you get to be quite tipsy amongst your new friend or friends! Bottoms up
$1500 Bonus on the table (Okay bonus on top of what..)
Give me a call and I get get you all of the info. This is for December only
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Matt infers: I need a job here and $1500 as a bonus for a job I know nothing about nor what the actual salary is sound so intriguing. A phone number was given too but why have people call you and waste your time asking you what the job is? Nothing that hints at what the position is (or what position one might have to physically be in to earn said money for just this cold cold month)... Not even a hint or a clue - come on man!
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Matt infers: I need a job here and $1500 as a bonus for a job I know nothing about nor what the actual salary is sound so intriguing. A phone number was given too but why have people call you and waste your time asking you what the job is? Nothing that hints at what the position is (or what position one might have to physically be in to earn said money for just this cold cold month)... Not even a hint or a clue - come on man!
Needed: Cleaning Lady (But not for any actual mess..)
This is a tidy home that needs a weekly cleaning person. We are a nice family looking for a nice cleaning person; daytime; on a consistent schedule every Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.
We're looking for someone who will:
Thoroughly clean bathrooms.
Vacuum bedrooms.
Clean and shine hardwood floors.
Clean the surfaces that need cleaning.
In return, we'll always leave you a neat house that will only need your care and maintenance -- you won't come to our place and find a mess.
We pay $10.00 per hour.
If this sounds like you, please respond and let us know:
What your availability is.
Whether you can provide references. You don't have to actually give us references in your reply, but if we reply back to you, we will expect you to provide them at that time.
We look forward to hearing from you
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Matt loves: So Let me get this straight, you want to hire someone to clean your house that you PROMISE
to leave neat... you need someone to thoroughly clean NEAT rooms?! I understand saying your house resembles
that of a hoarder might scare off people but no reason to call it neat. My dvd collection is neat as in neat-o (because it's not really that neat..). Also I know you don't want anyone to steal from you but who is looking to clean houses for $10 an hour and wanting to get you references from other people ...to have them take time out of their day to call another stranger to say "Hey, that person makes our house shine like the top of the Chrysler building AND guess what, has never stolen a thing, not even a red bull or 1 pair of panties!" Yeah good luck...and how NICE does one have to be...really?! I mean people working at Starbucks are making that or more money...they can be nice but they are in customer service... maybe some people need motivation to be mean on dirt and must trash talk in order to scrub those bathroom tiles squeaky clean, right?!
We're looking for someone who will:
Thoroughly clean bathrooms.
Vacuum bedrooms.
Clean and shine hardwood floors.
Clean the surfaces that need cleaning.
In return, we'll always leave you a neat house that will only need your care and maintenance -- you won't come to our place and find a mess.
We pay $10.00 per hour.
If this sounds like you, please respond and let us know:
What your availability is.
Whether you can provide references. You don't have to actually give us references in your reply, but if we reply back to you, we will expect you to provide them at that time.
We look forward to hearing from you
----
Matt loves: So Let me get this straight, you want to hire someone to clean your house that you PROMISE
to leave neat... you need someone to thoroughly clean NEAT rooms?! I understand saying your house resembles
that of a hoarder might scare off people but no reason to call it neat. My dvd collection is neat as in neat-o (because it's not really that neat..). Also I know you don't want anyone to steal from you but who is looking to clean houses for $10 an hour and wanting to get you references from other people ...to have them take time out of their day to call another stranger to say "Hey, that person makes our house shine like the top of the Chrysler building AND guess what, has never stolen a thing, not even a red bull or 1 pair of panties!" Yeah good luck...and how NICE does one have to be...really?! I mean people working at Starbucks are making that or more money...they can be nice but they are in customer service... maybe some people need motivation to be mean on dirt and must trash talk in order to scrub those bathroom tiles squeaky clean, right?!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
public relations (PR) person with media contacts and know-how (It's all about who you know)
The pay for this gig is $18/hour plus bonuses ($200 to $2000) for specific successes in getting us visible press. You track your hours and provide summaries of progress and of how your time is spent. Our office is in West Chelsea (gallery district).
We are looking for someone to help us get the word out about our innovative e-learning product in the field of language learning. Are your friends and associates writers (freelance or staff) who are publishing in major publications (e.g. NY Times, Time, Newsweek
, Wired, Atlantic, Harper's, New York, Conde Nast, Reuters, AP, etc.)? Maybe your Rolodex is full of good contacts? You know how to get things done in PR and marketing? We can pay you an hourly and reward you further for your success.
If you are interested, reply with a response that includes the following three items:
1) A custom response to this ad telling us about yourself and why you would be good at this.
2) a resume (attached or in-line)
3) Two (2) references who can speak of your work in this field. Include both phone numbers and email contact addresses. Tell us what you did for them.
We look forward to hearing from you!
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Matt's Translation: We want to pay you for your rich and powerful friends list -- not pay you a lot, well it depends on A) How BIG your contact are and B) What they can do for us
We are looking for someone to help us get the word out about our innovative e-learning product in the field of language learning. Are your friends and associates writers (freelance or staff) who are publishing in major publications (e.g. NY Times, Time, Newsweek
, Wired, Atlantic, Harper's, New York, Conde Nast, Reuters, AP, etc.)? Maybe your Rolodex is full of good contacts? You know how to get things done in PR and marketing? We can pay you an hourly and reward you further for your success.If you are interested, reply with a response that includes the following three items:
1) A custom response to this ad telling us about yourself and why you would be good at this.
2) a resume (attached or in-line)
3) Two (2) references who can speak of your work in this field. Include both phone numbers and email contact addresses. Tell us what you did for them.
We look forward to hearing from you!
------------------------------
Matt's Translation: We want to pay you for your rich and powerful friends list -- not pay you a lot, well it depends on A) How BIG your contact are and B) What they can do for us
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